Zhadi's Den

Random essays on wine, writing, moving to San Francisco, surfing, cats (exotic and otherwise) and zombies...depending on my mood.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

On another note...

Why do I do this to myself?

I'm cleaning up some photos for ebay auctions I'm going to put up later, sitting in my favorite rocking chair, iBook on a pillow on my lap...with the Sci Fi Channel on.

TORNADO, NATURE UNLEASHED just finished. Some nonsense set in Romania about a supernaturally caused mega-tornado called 'El Tempestado' or some such crap, summoned by a bunch of nerds in red robes for the purpose of wiping out a village of gypsies. To call the acting of the cast 'wooden' or, in some cases, 'over the top' would be kindness. To call the dialogue 'unrealistic and cliche' would be the understatement of the decade. And the final climactic scene with the hero (who saves everyone by wearing a gypsy talisman...I know, I know, it makes no sense) facing off against the villain as both hover in the air, caught in the tornado's winds...Badness. Oh, and the tornado growls like a monster. I guess I should be grateful that they didn't give it the ubiquitous pteryodactyl squeal/screech that they use for every monster from anacondas to spiders in most of their movies.

And a force of nature would NOT be caused by red-robed dipshits chanting to Satan, okay? That would be a supernatural force. I mean, even the NAME of the movie is stupid.


I saw ads for 'VOLCANO, NATURE UNLEASHED.' The only way to survive the once every thousand year eruption of this particular volcano is to 'solve a prophecy...of survival.' Also on the lineup for today is EARTHQUAKE, NATURE UNLEASHED. It's worse than I thought, people. Can we see a theme here? A lack of originality, perhaps? Can TSUNAMI, NATURE UNLEASHED be far behind? The programming geniuses in the movie department of SciFi Channel could conceivably milk this for a good dozen movies, everything from hailstorms to dust bunnies.

Now some movie about an avalanche is on. I didn't catch the title, so I'm not sure if this is part of the NATURE UNLEASHED series...wait a sec, let me check.

Yup, AVALANCHE, NATURE UNLEASHED. And so far the acting and dialogue is as craptastic and poo-rific as TORNADO. I feel sorry for the few actors that obviously have some talent as they try to overcome their stilted co-stars. I mean, this is so bad that it's making me flinch. I'm waiting to find out if the avalanche will growl.

Why am I still watching this?

I think it's a sickness.

And the snow just growled.

I can't take it any more. I'm switching to NORTHANGER ABBEY.


  • At 12:58 PM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said…

    what are you selling on ebay?

  • At 2:13 PM, Blogger zhadi said…

    Nothing about the bad movies? It's always interesting what people pick out of posts to comment on!

    Anyway, some Classic Trek memorabilia, a Simpsons mug, pieces parts for a G3 iBook, and other stuff as it comes up. Old Star Wars laser tag gear, stuff like that.


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