Zhadi's Den

Random essays on wine, writing, moving to San Francisco, surfing, cats (exotic and otherwise) and zombies...depending on my mood.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Sci Fi Channel does it again...


I'm continually confounded by Sci Fi Channel's depth of craptitude. Last night we caught a little bit of Darklight, which includes a Demonicus (a scientist trying to obtain immortality goes OH so wrong...helped by the dude that played Q on Star Trek, Degeneration, John Delancie)and battles it out with Lilith, or the descendent thereof.

Said descendent, who has no idea who she is (she has no memory behind three years previous) comes equipped with a brand-spanking new looking parchment book on demonology (you think they'd have made half an effort to distress the book so it looked at least semi-ancient instead of something you'd buy at your local Psychic Eye bookstore), including a chapter on demon marks. There's a handy dandy little pen and ink sketch below that particular chapter header. Our heroine (an insipid little thing that comes from the same cloning vat that stocks at least half of Sci-Fi Channel films; the other vat spits out improbably large breasted blondes with an equal lack of acting ability) looks at the drawing, then looks down at her arm where she sports (*gasp!!!*) the SAME MARK in one inch raised letters on her left arm. Seriously, these things look like those little plastic letters that kids use with magnetic boards in kindergarten to learn their alphabet. She can get rid of the evil Mark of Lilith and curse attached to it one letter/symbol at a time by doing acts of great and noble self-sacrifice.

We see this put into action when she shoves a kid out of the way of an oncoming car. She gets hit, goes flying into the streets, another car veers to miss her, hits the first car and both burst into flames. Great roiling clouds of flame and smoke. Interestingly enough, no one is injured, just a littled singed around the edges. Okay. And our heroine, after lying in the middle of the conflagration, does develop a wee bit of a cough that sounds like she's auditioning for the part of Camille ("carry me to the window one last time!")

Give me a break...


Another bad filmmaking moment: heroine goes to her home and finds the kindly old man who took her in off the streets lying on the kitchen floor, covered in blood and looking pretty shredded. She stares at him in horror. his eyes open. He says "Run!" Suddenly the Demonicus appears in the shot, right next to the guy on the floor, where it's evidently been crouched during this entire scene. Sloppy camera work and direction. Like she wouldn't have notice this large winged demon with blood dripping from its claws hunkered down next to the guy when she first walked in. Having it on the ceiling or something, have her follow the guy's gaze to it...that would have worked.


Ptooey on lazy filmmakers.

The hero was that dude from Starship Troopers II, the one that looks like the result of Richard Hatch, Michael Ironside and John Saxon getting cozy in a transmogrifyer. Eh. I lost interest very quickly, partly 'cause I really needed some sleep and partly 'cause it was neither bad enough nor good enough to enjoy. It was somewhere in the limbo of boring and irritating.

I'm saving myself for Shark Attack 3; Megladon.

7 Comments:

  • At 12:03 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said…

    They'll play that dreck, but they won't put MST3K back on...

     
  • At 1:38 AM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said…

    Sorry, gotta nitpick -- John Delancie played Q.

    Yeah, sci-fi's got some pretty asstacular movies, but I'm a big fan of some of their original programming -- which is to say, "Battlestar Galactica."

     
  • At 7:21 PM, Blogger zhadi said…

    Ah, MST3K...the good old days!

    And MS, please feel free to nitpick - I could lose my geek credentials for a mistake like that.

    I have to say that I found Battlestar Galactica surprisingly good. Why they don't put the same care in their movies is beyond me...

     
  • At 7:37 PM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said…

    Zhadi --

    I think you're the first person I've read in the longest time who didn't spell "lose" with two o's. THANK YOU.

    I wonder how big sci-fi's "new film" budget is. Maybe they've got a choice between one GOOD B-movie, or ten CRAPPY C-movies, so they take the C-movies.

     
  • At 7:59 AM, Blogger Dave Fitzgerald said…

    I think MS is right on the money - We need MST3K now more than ever! (Hmm...note to Sci Fi: you could double your material if you MST3K'd your movies!)

    That network should also take a note from shows like Red Dwarf, which also have the budget of a garage sale but become cult classics because of great characters and imaginative, funny creative writing...

     
  • At 4:10 PM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said…

    I have a sudden urge to watch BRISCO COUNTY JR. Too bad it's not out on DVD for another two months. Grrr.

     
  • At 5:01 PM, Blogger zhadi said…

    Brisco County Jr.! I LOVED that show!

    And yeah, Mr. Fitz, there is NO reason that you can't have low budgets AND good writing. Sci-Fi channel is just lazy.

     

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