Zhadi's Den

Random essays on wine, writing, moving to San Francisco, surfing, cats (exotic and otherwise) and zombies...depending on my mood.

Monday, July 10, 2006

No more lip smacking!

Lip smacking noises. Doesn't really matter what makes 'em, they just gross me out.

Like:

My dog doing that doggy lip-smacking thing. Or licking her private parts. They both sound the same. The sound makes me want to throw up. She does it in her sleep, and won't sleep unless she's on the floor below the bed, so I now wear ear plugs. What is the sound of one dog smacking? Yuck!

People who call me up and talk while chewing gum. First of all, how rude. I don't call someone up when I'm eating. And I sure as hell wouldn't call 'em up if I were in the middle of masticating a big old wad of gum. Lip smacky noises are amplified when they're done into the business end of a phone. Augh! Gross!

Spit stringy kisses on tv shows or movies. Hey, I'm not a prude. I like to kiss. I like a good sexy scene as much as anyone. But dagnabbit, I do NOT wanna hear all the slurping, smacking and so on that seem to come with most on screen smooching these days. Give me LAST OF THE MOHICANS style screen kissing. Daniel Day Lewis and Madelaine Stowe generated more sensuality than any slurping face eating scene with nasty old spit strings connecting the two leads.

Euww! I just grossed myself out. And i haven't even mentioned the scene in ORIGINAL SIN where Thomas Jane spits in Angelina Jolie's mouth. Yeah, sexy. Thanks a hell of a lot.

People chewing with their mouths open and talking. Manners, folks! Didn't your mother ever teach you that it's considered bad form to send food particles flying across the table? No? Well, a pox upon your house then!

I like cats. They're quiet no matter what they're licking.

7 Comments:

  • At 10:41 PM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said…

    My cats are noisy when they clean themselves. "Slurp!" "Lurp!" Grrr. Shut it, felines!!!

     
  • At 10:44 AM, Blogger zhadi said…

    My cats are quiet little angels...for which I'm very grateful. Seven of 'em...that would be a lot of gross noise...

     
  • At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ORIGINAL SCENE? I don't think I've seen that one...

     
  • At 1:00 PM, Blogger zhadi said…

    D'oh! That's supposed to be Original Sin...

     
  • At 3:11 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said…

    Huh? Oh sorry...I was daydreaming about how cool it would be to be able to lick my own private parts...

     
  • At 9:09 AM, Blogger zhadi said…

    Well, as long as you're QUIET about it, you just go ahead and daydream!

     
  • At 5:58 AM, Blogger Annie Drogynous said…

    I always have to instruct my son to stop smacking his lips when he eats. My mom snapping her gum is another irritation of mine, lol. I have 3 cats and one whines like my kids, lol. Not so quiet.

     

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