Zhadi's Den

Random essays on wine, writing, moving to San Francisco, surfing, cats (exotic and otherwise) and zombies...depending on my mood.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Coming to Terms, Reader's Digest Version

I was down in Glendale this past weekend...lots of changes going on there. Rental prices, both business and residental, are souring. Music Express, a used record/CD store, is closing its doors for good after 19 years. Depressing.

They're building a new mall and, as a result, a bunch of little Mom and Pop businesses are no more. True, some of the shops were dilapidated and shoddy, but there always seemed to be customers coming and going. I'm a big one for embracing change as healthy. Stagnation is the enemy and it must be destroyed! But come on, folks. The Glendale Galleria spreads over a total of 6 blocks. How many Brookstones and Forever 21 stores do we need in one neighborhood, fer crissake?

I was reminded of all the reasons I wanted to get the hell out of Dodge, including the hot, smoggy summer weather and the noise from our Armenian neighbors, party animals to the extreme. Yet waking up in the morning while it was still cool, Shmoo and Sorscha curled up happily on my legs, I felt so peaceful. I looked out the living room window on the garden that I'd planted and nurtured through the heat, bad soil and my lack of expertise, thought about the years I'd spent there with Brian...well, I guess 'melancholy nostalgia' would describe my feelings.

Most of the weekend was peaceful. Positive changes were taking place as well. There was a sense of both familiar comfort and optimism for the future. My visit felt like it took place in a bubble floating out of time, not in the past, present or future. Despite the stillness, there was also a sense of anticipation, of being poised on the edge of something new.

I can't say I'm entirely at peace with my decisions yet. But that's okay. It's enough for now to not only remember why I'd left, but also, for the first time in months, be able to appreciate the reasons I'd stayed.

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